Good days, bad days

I've taken a few baby steps this week. I've cut out regular soda and I'm drinking more tea and flavored water (with Crystal Light type stuff) and a diet coke here and there. I know diet soda is suppose to be evil incarnate but I figure it's the lesser of two evils and it's a start.
I love Coke. It's one of my major downfalls. I don't love Diet Coke so much so I find it easier to chose something else. But every once in awhile I want that fizz.

I haven't got on a scale to officially begin anything yet. I'm just trying to make some better choices without the heavy title of "Dieter" over my head. Someone brought in icecream cake to work the other day and I didn't have any! Hey, gotta take baby steps, right?

I was in on a meeting where these rich, well-dressed, tanned, bleach blonde women were talking about how they wanted to help the community and the poor people. They talked about childhood obesity and how they believe education is the key. I had to smile to myself. They're clueless.

Poor people aren't overweight (for the most part) because they're too dumb to realize mac and cheese w/hotdogs isn't healthy - it's what they can afford to make that night. Eating healthy is so freakin' expensive. When my kids were little, I could come up with a meal out of the most random stuff. When some would say "there's nothing to eat in this house," I could probably fix something to feed six people. Sure, it wasn't always healthy and generally full of carbs. But we ate.

It's so much cheaper to eat crap. Anything healthy is almost twice the price of something unhealthy. But to counter that, local farmer's markets are awesome. We have a few in our area and they are a Godsend. But poor people don't need education, they need good, healthy food which means they need more money. The education they need is the kind that will help them get better jobs, not the Food Triangle.

Ok, end rant. They mean well ...

I have noticed my palputations are worse after eating and in the last week or so, I've skipped a day here and there not taking my medication. Not on purpose, but I think because I've been eating smaller meals and trying to avoid sugar. My last blood test said my sugar was 136 fasting. Not horrible but still higher than normal and that was fasting. My cardiologist gave me a prescription for Digoxin? I'm going to talk to my regular doctor before starting it. Seems like pretty heavy duty stuff. If I can control the palputations to where they manageable through diet, I'd like to try that first.

My cholestrol is 136, the bad kind. Should be 100 or less. Was also given medicine for that, but, see above. Gonna talk to the Doc first see if I can try diet there too.

But then there are days like today when I went out to eat with my daughter, Bri and I just wanted some chicken tenders. I ate them and now I'm paying the price. *Looks for Tums*

Haven't made any great gains in the smoking area. I've tried to cut down, I really have. I think I have anyway. But like the diet, there's good days, bad days.

We all know misery loves company so for the next several months, I am asking all if you to keep me company during my self-inflicted time of misery.

I should be more optimistic. After all, this is an exciting time for me, a life-changing experience — and the hardest thing I’ve probably ever done.

I’ve been overweight my entire life. A cute, chubby girl with blond curls, I grew into a very curvaceous teenager. After having three children in three and a half years, I gained a total of 80 pounds.

I grew up in a Jewish home where bagels, matzo balls and fried latkes (potato pancakes) were everyday foods. Everyone in my family was overweight (except my brother who began jogging as a teenager).

Throughout the years I had so many excuses not to lose weight. I was still pretty active and didn’t have a problem meeting men. I felt good.

Then I turned 40 — and it all fell apart.

Almost immediately, my blood pressure went up along with my sugar. My knees and hips started acting up and I no longer recognized the person in the mirror.

I realized that all my health problems (gastric reflux disease, high blood pressure and cholesterol, border-line Type 2 diabetes, hormonal imbalance, etc.) could be almost eradicated by losing weight.

But it took a night of no sleep to make me realize just how dangerous my weight had become.

I couldn’t sleep because I was afraid I wasn’t going to wake up. I had been having chest pains and I swore I was going to have a heart attack while I slept.

Of course, I didn’t.

I went to a cardiologist recently and had every test under the sun. My heart, right now, is good. I do suffer from palputations but probably will my whole life but there are things I can do to make them more tolerable.

While at the doctor's office, he asked me. “How many obese people who are older than 55 do you see walking around?”

I thought about it and realized not many.

This isn’t a diet — it’s a lifestyle change. It’s 41 years of bad habits being changed.

And there are days I just don't want to be bothered.

I've read so many blogs and stories of people who lost weight and they're all so damn positive and seem so sure of themselves.

Well, I'm not. And this isn't my first try at this "getting healthy" thing. And I don't know if I will succeed this time with either the weight or quitting smoking.

I'm hoping those who read this will share with me their ups and downs and maybe, together, we can at least make some uphill moves.